My dad hasn't really been himself lately. Actually he hasn't been himself in a really long time. I guess we thought the worst part was over with his cancer in remission, but it seems as is the worst is ahead of us.Image by *Zara via Flickr He has been in a lot of pain lately. Pain that they think is caused not by the cancer but from the treatment for the cancer. The aftereffects of such a harsh treatment for such a horrid disease. He has severe headaches, pain in his head and neck. He has been suffering from mood swings, weakness. His blood pressure drops suddenly without any warning. All of this is aftereffects from his treatment. Sometimes I wonder what is worse, the disease or the treatment. Sometimes I wonder why he has to go through any of this at all. Sometimes I wonder how much God will allow one person to take, when it seems that they are only hanging on by a thread.
Its hard for me to watch him go through this, I can only imagine for my mom it must be unbearable. It is really hard watching someone you love suffer. It is even harder when you are helpless to do anything. Its hard watching them turn into a different version of themself. A different kind of normal. A normal that takes so much to get used to. A normal that you wish just didn't exist. Wishing you could go back and get back what you once lost, but that is impossible.
But the one thing that I keep reminding myself is that he is still here!!!! And for that I know that God has him here for a reason. I may not understand why but I have to trust that God has something great in store for him and my mom too. I know it is their faith that keeps them going, I just hope they never forget that God does see and He does hear them and He knows just how much they can take. They just have to trust Him, for He will give them the strength that they think is impossible.
Psalm 118:5 (NIV) 5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
Psalm 31:7-8 (KJV) 7I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities; 8And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room.
Psalm 22:24 (KJV) 24For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.
2 Corinthians 1:5 (KJV) For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.