2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Despair

Inside of EmptinessImage by Dude Crush via Flickr
There are moments here lately when I feel so empty, so broken beyond repair.  I feel like I just don't have it in me.  To write, to believe, to live.  I am exhausted, I am tired, I am sick of trying.  I am empty.  Between these moments there is joy, but at any given moment the emptiness sets in again and I am right back at where I started.

It is easier to pretend then to deal with what is going on.  I put a smile on my face and pretend everything is ok. I hold back the tears and literally push myself forward. 

I can barely move, every stroke of the keys takes so much effort, so much out of me.  I can barely breathe, every word I utter leaves me gasping for air, every thought leaves me exhausted.  Am I really this broken? Am I really this damaged? With so much around me, am I really this empty?

I just don't have it in me to fight, to stand my ground. The only word for my condition is despair. Despair about my life, my future, my hopes and my dreams. How did I get here Lord?  Where have you gone?

Even "Christians" have moments of despair.  More often then they would like to admit.  Moments of doubt, disbelief.  Moments of complete dismay. Moments where they just fight to  breathe.  The only difference is Who they turn to in their moments of despair.  I have nights where I literally fall asleep talking to God.  Exhausted from the day, I talk to Him through the night. He is the only one who gives me the comfort I am longing for, the peace that I need to make it through another day. 

When you are in despair, it is only God who can give you the strength to stand up again. Only He can fill the void.

2 Corinthians 4:8, 18 (NIV)- 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
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6 comments:

  1. In the process of deepening your Faith as well as getting closer to our Lord.. :) :) *Hug*

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  2. been there before not a good place to be but thanks be to God He never leaves us by ourselves.

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  3. I always take comfort in knowing that God will never leave us or forsake us. Thanks!!!

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  4. By the day, my dear,as you know, I have been following your blog for awhile hence I am here to extend my invitation to you..
    Yes, I would like to invite to join (Being Beautiful) Beautiful Tuesday on a weekly basis where you can share about anything in being/staying beautiful..
    Like I said, I have been following and reading your posts and I think what you write can inspire many thus this invitation.
    Details are http://www.intinglligent.com/p/being-beautiful.html
    This is blog hop event too so yeah, reaching out and supporting each other in the world of writing.. :)

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  5. God can also take those dark places and broken places and then use them to minister to someone else's heart as well. Thanks for your honesty.

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  6. @Jeff, I totally agree, my dad said that God let him get cancer for a reason, he said that it opened a whole new ministry to him, because he can relate to others with the same condition. Thanks for Reading!!!

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