2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Self- Righteous

Good Against BadImage by michael.heiss via FlickrI cannot stand when people act self righteous, as if they are better then one and feel it necessary to point out every ones faults.   The other day I heard something so self righteous that I just couldn't believe it was said.

I have always thought of myself as a very non judgmental person.  I always try to see the good in people and hate when people put others down. So you can understand how I felt when I heard such a self righteous remark.

I didn't agree with something that someone did, choices they had made and so on.  In order to explain my position on the matter I decided to share my view on the situation. As if to defend my stance.  As the words were coming out of my mouth, it was like I could hear God saying, "O boy, here we go," even before I finished. I knew as the words were coming out that it must have sounded horrible.  I sounded so self righteous.  So judgemental, so cruel.  But me, not me, I am not like that.  Or am I?

It was embarrassing to say the least, but a revelation.  That even I could be self righteous.  I know I am a work in progress.  I just wish God would have stopped me before I sounded like such a fool.  But maybe the only way I could understand my actions what to actually hear it out loud. We all have moments where we lose sight of who we are.  We seem to dwell on other peoples wrong doings in an attempt to cover our own,  and by doing so we become what we dread the most.

But there is always hope and yet another lesson learned on our walk by faith.

Matthew 7:3-5

New International Version (NIV)
   3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
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Monday, October 24, 2011

Less Than 5%

I haven't been writing much lately.  Guess I really haven't been feeling that inspired.  And of course, just when I am feeling hopeless God reminds me of just who He is.

I overheard my dad talking to someone at church this past weekend.  Me being the nosey person that I am went over to join in on the conversation.  My dad was talking about his cancer and sharing all the things he had learned. 

After the other person left my dad and I kept talking about his treatments and so on.  Then he told me something that he had never told me before.  I always thought that I had all of facts and the information but there was somethings that my dad left out.

You see the first time he was diagnosed with cancer his success rate of beating the disease was 80-90%.  I will take those odds any day.  The second time his success rate was lowered drastically. This time the cancer had spread to his neck.  His success rate was now 10%.  I never knew that,  I only told myself that we had beat it once we can do it again,  and he did.  He beat it a second time.

Then it came back a third time and when the odds were stacked against him and his success rate was now less than 5%, he opted for no treatment at all.  I never realized why he didn't do the treatment this time. Defeated and short on time he decided to go home that summer (he is from Honduras) for what he thought would probably be the last time.  It was there that his brother introduced him to alternative methods and therapies.  He thought why not, he had nothing to lose.  That was five years ago.

His doctors told him, he should not have lived this long.  He defied their odds without their treatment and that has them completely confused.  They cannot understand why he is till here.

And though I am sure that the alternative methods did play their part, I know that God is the real reason he is still here.  He is not finished with him yet.  Man could only give my dad less than 5%, but God, He can make the impossible possible.

It is almost like I can hear God saying to me, "DO YOU NOT KNOW, I AM GOD! It  doesn't matter what man tells you I am greater then he."  He always gives exactly what I need at exactly the right time.  He reminds me of who He is and the magnitude of His power.

So when the odds are stacked against you, just remember my dad and his less than 5%.

Matthew 19:26 (NIV) 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

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Friday, September 23, 2011

When Darkness Seemed To Win

Darkness / OscuridadImage by victor_nuno via FlickrI witnessed something the other day, something somewhat difficult to explain.  It was like watching a Saint's game and they are losing and at the very last moment, the very last second something spectacular happens and they actually win.  But this wasn't a sports game, it wasn't a game at all.  This matter affected peoples lives, their livelihood.  This matter had already hurt and destroyed so many.  And yet again here is what, seeming to be thriving.

I found myself in court the other day.  Not for myself, but for support for someone that I care for dearly.  (I won't share the details to protect those involved.) It was an unusual case to say the least.  Their reasons for being there were not for the best interest of any anything but for the person that brought them there.  For reasons of spite and control.  For reasons to destroy and conquer.  As laughs, malicious grins and vindictive motives spued.  I couldn't help but hang my head.  To believe that people could be so cruel and be proud of it.

I had prayed about this for days, that God's will be done.  And then the worst cast scenario came true.  As the news was delivered I once again hung my head.  But this time to pray.  I couldn't accept that this was their fate.  I wasn't willing to watch this maliciousness profit without a fight.  I had to ask God if this was the way it was going to be.  If it was I was willing to accept it, but I just had to ask.

Awhile had passed and just when darkness seemed to win, the most unexpected happened.  I couldn't believe my ears, I thought I was dreaming.  This person who did these things out of spite and selfishness was stripped of all of their control and no longer had a leg to stand on.  No longer able to control and toy around with peoples lives. Although there was no victory, there was a great relief.  And despite the outcome, nobody won.

But this much is true, never underestimate God's ability to turn things around. Never underestimate that fact that He can make things new.  He create light in what seems to be the most dim situation. He is bigger then any of our problems and with Him all things are possible.  We just have to ask Him to take control. 

It truly breaks my heart to see things like this take place.  When selfishness and spite take control of peoples lives and they make it their mission to destroy those around them. I pray for them, mostly because I was once like them.  And I know that God that changed me also has the power to change them.

Psalm 27:1 (KJV) 1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Hebrews 4:12-13(NIV) 12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A God Who Has All Things

All things must pass.Image by Navy Blue Stripes via Flickr I had heard the song a thousand times.  I even knew the words by heart.  But in a moment, hearing a song I had heard so many times before, one line got to me, like I had never heard it before.

I was on my way to pick up my oldest from school the other day.  Thinking about everything going on. Questioning why God would want anything to do with me.  "I Need You To Love Me"  by Barlow Girl was playing on the radio.  I was singing along  and the line said "Cause You're a God who has all things, and still You want me."  I have heard this song a thousand and never realized that line.

It gave me goose bumps, it really made me think.  It was so true. It brought tears to my eyes. Here He is a God who has all things, anything, everything.  A God who is lacking nothing and can make anything out of nothing.  A God who lives in Heaven, in perfectness.  And still He wants me.  Why??   He could have done away with me and this old world a long time ago.  But He didn't.  His love is unfathomable, His love is unimaginable.  For a God who has everything He could possibly want,  He still wants me.  What kind of love is this??

1 John 4:9-10 (NIV)9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Return to Sanity

PANIC DisorderImage by prudencebrown121 via FlickrI have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately.  It isn't even one thing in particular.  Just a whole lot of things that I seem to have no control over.  It's more like a panic disorder.  For the past month, out of the blue the will come. They are overwhelming and unpredictable and seem to come on for no reason at all. Things start closing in and I feel like I am losing my mind.  Trying hard for people not to notice, I will get up to walk around or leave the room.  Its that horrible feeling that things aren't going to be ok.  What scares me the most is what if it doesn't go away, what if I stay like this forever.  I don't want to go crazy.  I want it to stop.

I have been trying different things in an attempt to get my sanity back.  Exercise didn't seem to do to much.  I know this may sound  crazy but I started doing these infrared sauna sessions.  They are supposed to help detox the body and I fell amazing after a session. (I will post about it on my health nut junkie blog).

This weeks session helped me more then I could ever imagine.  For one I am claustrophobic.  So my idea of fun is not sitting in a box for half an hour.  Luckily there is a glass door.  So to keep myself from panicking I will do some meditation but mainly just talking to God.  For that entire time He has my undivided attention.  I went through all of the things that I had been dealing with one by one.  Realizing that there was a resolution to my problems.  Finally my moment of clarity. My moment when my worries seemed to melt away.  I could have stayed in that box for hours. My revelation, my return to sanity. 

Needless to say I haven't had a panic attack since and I would usually get quite a few a day.  I feel sane again

God has a way of pulling us back when we reach the edge.  He gets us at our weakest, because only then are we able to listen.  I wasn't willing to let go of things which was the root of my problem.  But I am working on it.  Sometimes we have to get everything out in the open in order to find a resolution and I finally did that with God.  I am a work in progress and still have little fall backs.  But I am only human and I just make sure that I tell God not to let me go no matter what.

So why do I share such a personal and private part of my life with the world?  Because God loves me and He loves you.  When I am at my worst He is there, so don't ever think that He wouldn't do the same for you.

Isaiah 43:1-4(NIV) 1 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
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Thursday, July 21, 2011


out of body experienceImage by Frabuleuse via Flickr I've been quite confused about a lot of things lately.  It is almost surreal, like an out of body experience.  Not sure if I am coming or going.  Almost as if I am just in limbo.  I hate this feeling. Aren't we supposed to progress in life, not just stay in the same place for a long time?  But maybe I am judging my progress by my own standards.  Maybe there are lessons that I need to learn before I can move forward.  Maybe my stubbornness is holding me back,  and I am just too stubborn to see it.

I am a very strong willed person.  I was born that way.  Even through being strong willed I believe is a good trait, it is also lead to ones own destruction.  Not being able to let go and let Someone else take the wheel.  Wanting to do things my way and getting confused when there is no progress. Wondering what am I doing wrong?

The problem is I think that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.  Thinking now that I've got it all wrong.  Maybe I am doing all the right things but just for the wrong reasons.  That just makes it all pointless.

God wants me to trust Him.  He wants me to feel secure in knowing that He is in charge of my future.  He doesn't want me to be confused.  He wants me to succeed.  I just have to let Him lead.

Philippians 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

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Monday, July 18, 2011

One Mistake Away

MistakesImage by mr.bmonroe via Flickr
Have you felt like God must really be at the end of His rope with me?  Like if you keep messing up, eventually He will wipe His hands of you.  Like you are just one mistake away from being eternally alone. Like you don't deserve His forgiveness.

The truth is we don't.  We don't deserve Him.  We don't deserve His forgiveness over and over and over again for things that we know are wrong and still do.  We don't deserve for Him to still be there when we didn't listen and went the other way.  When we abandon Him, we don't deserve to come back. We don't deserve to be greeted with open arms. But that's just it, we don't deserve Him, but He is there anyway.

I keep wondering why God is still around.  I don't deserve Him, yet there He is.  A love that I cannot fathom, a love that I cannot understand.  He sees me, not what I have done.  He sees the real me.  The one that struggles to take a breath.  The part of me that no one sees.  The one who tries to do the right thing and yet it backfires.  The one whose words get misunderstood.  He knows what is in my heart.  He knows how much I love Him.

He overlooks my mistakes, and see straight through to my heart.  I will never be one mistake away from Him leaving me. He loves me that much. "From one scared hand to the other."

Romans 6:23
New International Version (NIV)
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Only Looking to You

Last week the family and I went to Arkansas to a family camp.  My only drawback, no Internet.   No cell phone service either, really out of my comfort zone, being cut off from the world. I literally had to walk out to the edge of a pier to get a signal on my phone. I will admit by the middle of the week,  I didn't care too much about it. 

It's been a long time since we spent family time like that.  We did a lot, horseback riding, rockwall climbing, ziplining, swimming, tubing, canoeing, kayaking.  Best of all worship.  My little one loves to sing worship songs, and the best part about camp is that they have the motions to go with the songs.  Every morning and evening they had worship.  It reminded me when I was little. Our weekly theme song was the best, written by one of the staff. 

It is amazing what God can do when we give Him our undivided attention.  It was truly an experience to remember, to be cut off from the world and have our family time with God.  By the end of the week,  I didn't want to leave.  There was just a peacefulness about this place,  God's presence in the middle of nowhere.

A few lyrics from our theme song, not sure of the title-

"I'm only looking to You,  You changed me and turned me around, cause You're the only place the lost get found"

Monday, July 11, 2011

Casting Burdens

My oldest has been dealing with anxiety lately.  Like mother like son.  He seems to be really fearful of things that he just shouldn't even be worrying about. He worries about the weather, whether a movie will give him bad dreams, and so many other crazy things. He will have a little anxiety attack and tell me his chest hurts and when he breathes it feels like he is not breathing.  I know all to well how that feels.  All I want to do is take it away.  I even pray that God will give me my sons anxiety so that he doesn't have to deal with it, he is just too little to have these kind of problems.  It breaks my heart to see him go through this.  I wish he could cast his burdens on me to carry for him.

Just like how I wish I could carry my sons burdens,  Jesus wants to carry ours, all of ours.  The only difference is that He actually has the power to do it.  If we let Him,  if we ask,  He will take our burdens and carry them for us.  He hates to see us torture ourselves with worry and anxiety.  It breaks His heart to see us suffer. All He wants is for us to ask Him for help.  He can't take them if we don't let Him.  But all we have to do is ask.

It's been a real challenge dealing with an eight year old with anxiety. Even harder that I deal with it so often myself.  I learned that there are a lot of kids out there with the same  problems.  But if we teach them young where to turn in their time of despair maybe it will better prepare them for when they are older.  So they don't turn out like me.  I tell my son that when he feels them coming on, to pray, to take deep breaths and eventually they will subside.  I must say the past week I haven't heard him talk about them as much.

But the best way it to lead by example, so God, take my burdens, I can no longer carry them they are way to heavy and please take my sons too.

Psalm 55:22(NIV) 22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Lost Sheep

Good shepherdImage via Wikipedia
No one is expendable to God. Not one is worth losing. You are not lost in a sea of faces, for He knows you and He sees you, where you stand and where you fall. He wants each and everyone of us and to prove it He sacrificed the most important thing to Him, His only begotten Son.

Don't for even one second think that you do not matter.  Don't think that for one second that if you lose your way that He will not move heaven and earth to find you and bring you back to his flock.  He sees you through a universe, through galaxies,  He can see you.

When is seems like one has lost their way, what do you do?  Do you pretend like then never existed?  Talk bad about them, about how they walked away? Or do you do whatever it takes to bring them home. 

Sometimes we get caught up in our cliques,  we don't even notice when some have disappeared.  We make excuses, and we cast blame. 

But God doesn't do that.  No matter what the reason for their leaving may be,  God will seek us out.  He can't stand the thought of losing one of us.  He will carry us on His shoulders home.

As the parable of the lost sheep explains.  He will leave the rest to find the one who is lost and so should we.  We can't leave one stone unturned.  Want to show them a reflection of God,  don't let them leave without fighting for them to stay.  And if they leave go out and find them.

Luke 15:3-7

New International Version (NIV)
 3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
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Friday, June 3, 2011

1 Year Bloggaversary

Longcross poppiesImage by fat dad via Flickr
I have been so crazy busy lately that I didn't even realize that on May 14, 2011 was my bloggaversary.  I want to thank all of my readers and followers who gave me the support and inspiration to continue writing.  Your comments mean the world to me.  And the wonderful supportive friends that I have made since entering the blogger world.  Thanks to everyone for all of your support!!!!!  I promise to write more, as soon as I get out of this rut.  But for now, thanks again!!!  1 year!!!! 
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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Its The End Of The World!!! Or Is It???

Ida nov 9 2009Image via Wikipedia
There seems to be a lot of talk of the end of the world being today, May 21, 2011 at 6:00 pm.  (not sure if that is central standard time)  I don't really like to post about controversial subject matter but this one is more than that.  I believe that people can believe what they want to believe.  In this case, I think they believe this will all of their heart.  I believe that they are are sincere and that there is no malice or attempts to deceive, on the part of the people who believe this.

Do I believe that today is the end of the world?  I believe what the scriptures say, and the scripture that says it  best is Matthew 24:36, 42-44-  36 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 42 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

So according to this scripture nobody knows, not even Jesus, only the Father.  So could it be today, it could be, but I doubt it.  But that is not to say that we should not prepare for God's coming.  We should live everyday as it is our last, because we don't know when that will be.  I don't think that we should go out and sell all of our possessions.  I'm saying being kinder, loving our neighbor, doing the things that matter the most, making sure that we have that relationship with God.

My question to you is- If God were to come today, would you be ready?  I have to ask myself the same question.  I myself need to reflect on this and make sure that if He were to come that I would be going home with Him. 

So if today is not the end,  make it the beginning of you journey to God.  So when He does come, He will be coming for you.

Can you just imagine Jesus face when His Father turns to Him and says -
"Son, it is time!!, sound the trumpets, bring them home". 

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When The Road Is Way Too Long

Road in Death ValleyImage via Wikipedia
The other night on my way home from New Orleans I was tired, I was drained from a full day.  Impatiently ready get home and get to bed, I dreaded the trip home.  For what seemed to be the longest road ever. 

To make matters worse, right before I reached Baton Rouge, I came to a complete stop in traffic, in the middle of the interstate.  I was stopped for what seemed to be an eternity.  As I looked ahead at the what seemed to be an endless line of brake lights, I could feel the panic rising. I was just so tired and ready to get home, why was this happening at 11:00 at night. 

I started to calm down after telling myself that eventually traffic had to start moving.  I kept reassuring myself that I would not be stuck there forever. It wasn't long after that it finally started  moving.  I got home safe and sound,  exhausted but happy that I had gotten to the end of that road.

Sometimes the distance from point A to point B can seem endless.  Especially in our spiritual journey. Sometimes there is no end in sight, no relief.  When will things get better?  Will it ever end?  Why is it always me? We are completely exhausted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.  We just can't see where this long and winding road is leading us, and we keep wondering how much more we will have to endure.

But, just like what seemed like my endless trip home, our trials in life will have an ending too.  Many more may come our way, but we have to have faith that eventually we will get to the end of it.  And always know that we will be stronger because of it.  These roads in life shape us, mold us into the person God created us to be.

So next time you fell like the road is way too long, remember the One who will see you home.

1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV) 12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

Psalm 34:19-20 (21st Century KJV) 9Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivereth him out of them all. 20He keepeth all his bones; not one of them is broken.

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Friday, May 20, 2011

Rock Bottom

A rock, the ocean and the boys, who never stoo...Image via Wikipedia
Rock bottom is an emotional state.  When your will is gone and your faith is shattered and there is no hope in sight.  When you have fallen so far and there is no further down you can go.  When you have completely given up, completely surrendered, when there is just no more fight. When you are so emotionally exhausted that you finally put your hands up and finally have figured out that there is no way you can do it on your own.  When you are weary and weak and have lost your way.

The other day I really felt like I was at that point.  Feeling hopeless and abandoned, worthless and rejected.  Around the same time I ran across this article about a girl with similar problems to mine and how with God she overcame all of her obstacles.  In that moment I felt God talking to me.  He wanted me to know that He was still there.  Regardless of what I was going through, regardless of what I had done, He was still there.  He was there waiting, patiently waiting on me to realize how far away I was from Him and just how much I needed Him.

Later that day I read something that stated "God knows when we have truly surrendered".  At this point I had realized that I was trying conquer things on my own, which was leading to my own demise. Once again I was overcome by an assurance that I had not been forgotten but that I had only lost my way.  God was quick and eager to show me once I was willing to open my eyes to see. 

When we hit rock bottom and think we have nowhere to go, when we think that we no longer have the strength to go on, look up.  Look to the Maker of the mountains you cannot climb, for He is waiting and He will move those mountains for you.
Psalm 121 (NIV) 1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The LORD watches over you—the LORD is our shade at your right hand;6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

I'm Still A Dreamer

B l i n kImage via Wikipedia
Things rarely fall into place for me.    I can't even remember the last time things actually went smoothly for anything.  I try to keep cool and collected, but inside I am literally losing my mind.  For once I just want to come out on top, I just want things to work out. 

I am the one who is walked over, sometimes even trampled on.  I am the one that gets taken advantage of, pushed aside, used and sometimes abused.  I am the one who is expendable and who rarely matters.  Whose feelings aren't very important, and who is usually left out because she doesn't really matter anyway.

I have lost my faith in so many things, yet there is this overwhelming hope inside of me that God has something big for me.  That all of this will be worth it one day.  That all of this is to just build my character and mold me into the person that I am intended to be.  The person that God created me to be.  Hoping against all hope that this only temporary, even though it seems like forever.  My soul is weary, my patience thin, my heart bruised and battered.  But I am still a dreamer.  I still believe in the God of the impossible, that God that can move mountains.  A God who has an ultimate plan for me.  A God who can make all of my dreams come true.

Psalm 31:24 (NIV, ©2011) 24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Lamentations 3:24 (New Living Translation) 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011


24/7 Snapshots - I Give my AllImage by infiniteshutter via Flickr
I am the type of person that always tries to give 110%.  With work, with helping others.  The effort is always there even through sometimes I get exhausted along the way.   It was the way I was raised, to go above and beyond.  To help others, to figure things out.  Even when its not my "job" to do.  I don't like to let problems sit, I like resolutions.  So sometimes, a lot of times, I step out of my box and even sometimes my comfort zone to get things done.

So it got me to thinking.  With all the day to day duties, with all the additional burdens I cast on myself.  Do I give God 110%?  Sadly, the answer is no.  I am so busy with everything else that comes up and comes my way that I doubt if I give him 10?   That's the problem, sometimes, most time I am just too busy. 

We should never be too busy for God.  We should always give Him our all.  We will never be able to repay Him for what He did for us.   So, why is it so easy to give to everything and everyone else?  Why is it so easy to put God aside?

God deserves our very best.  I would be a hypocrite to say that I don't fall short in that department.  But I know that He places these burdens on my heart for a reason. The only way to learn is to fall. Our relationship with God has to be greater than any other relationship that we have.  We can't just say we love Him, we have to show it.  We have to give Him 110%.  I am guilty of neglecting God.  Are you?

Matthew 22:36-37 (NIV, ©2011)  36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind

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Monday, April 18, 2011


closer to GodImage by miuenski via Flickr
Why does it feel like the closer I try to get to God, the further away I feel?  The desire is  always there but the effort seems lazy.  As if a wall was put up between Him and I and I have no way of breaking through and I am just to tired to try.  I want things to be the way they used to be.  But there is no going back only moving forward.  But what am I moving forward to?

I haven't been writing as much as I used to.  I almost feel like a hypocrite.  How can I talk so much about walking by faith, when I myself seem to have so little lately?  How did I get here and where do I go from here?

I want to be closer to God with every ounce of my being.  I need Him more than I need air, but yet I feel so lost, so far away.

One thing I do know is that when I feel this far away from Him, that is when He is the closest to me.  He will never let me go.  I know that this will make me stronger and closer in the end.  But right now I have to breathe by faith, because here lately, I just can't see.  It is not He who is far from me but rather me that is far from Him.  But He will always show me the way.

Psalm 139:1-10 (NIV, ©2011) 1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. 5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Friday, April 1, 2011


Individual ProtectionImage by Martin Gommel via Flickr
There recently was a horrible accident in town.  A young child was killed while attempting to get on the school bus.  The other morning on the radio they were reporting new details on the case.  As I started to listen I realized that my eight year old was in the back listening also.  The report began to get a little graphic as to the horrific injuries to this young child, so I turned the radio down so my little one couldn't hear.

My son didn't say anything, he just sat quietly in the back.  But I knew he heard a little. He worries a lot about things, things that he shouldn't be worrying about.  So I knew that if he heard too much it could harm him. So, for a long as I can I will try to protect his innocence, his naivety, his faith.

God wants to protect us from harm, just like I wanted to protect my son.  How many times has he shielded you?  God knows what is best for us, but just like my son we are all curious of the unknown.  Even when the unknown could hurt us. But just how my son trusts that I know what is best for him,  We should always trust that God knows best for us.  He will always protect us, we just have to let him.

Psalm 4:8 (NIV, ©2011) 8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 32:7 (NIV, ©2011) 7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Who Would You Cling To?

A hand holding a bar.Image via Wikipedia
I heard on radio once about what would we do if all of our sins, all of our secrets were exposed for all of the world to see.  Who would we cling to? 

It went on to say that being that exposed to the world we would have no one to cling to, no one but God.

What would you do if all of your secrets were transparent?  What would you do if all of your sins were revealed?  If everyone knew everything that you had done.  What would you do?  Who would you cling to?
If the world was against you, where would you go?  If everyone turned on you, how would you cope?

Only God is there when the world walks out and God loves you no matter what.  So if your secrets and sins were all revealed to the world, God would be right there beside you. He will never turn on you, never walk away.  He will never be ashamed of you, no matter what you have done.  You can always cling to Him, no matter what.

Psalm 63:6-8 (NIV, ©2011) 6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. 7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. 8 I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.
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Friday, March 18, 2011

Where Does Your Strength Come From?

Shelter From the StormImage by Tony the Misfit via Flickr
My dad had a moment this evening as he was telling me about this little girl that he saw while he was at the hospital for his latest cancer check.  He sees them often, these little faces, helpless to a disease that has invaded them.  As he saw this little girl with obvious scars from her battle, his heart broke into a million pieces.  He told me about this little girl who so obviously has been dealt a lousy hand, whose body has been put through the ringer.  A little girl, just a little older than mine.  A little girl that no matter what has been thrown at her, had the biggest smile that could brighten up the entire place.

A smile that showed that she had not been defeated, a smile that showed that she was not giving up.  My dad almost breaking down as he was telling us about her.  His total inability to understand how someone so small could be so strong.

I have seen it before, these small children with the strength of a hundred men.  As their parents are breaking down at the very thought of defeat, there they are with the spirit that no disease can touch.  An unfailing drive to persevere.

I don't know why God allows things like this to happen to the most precious, the most innocent.  But one thing I do know is where this little ones strength comes from.  Strength to overcome, strength to fight, strength to make it another day, strength to smile.

How many lives can one little precious soul touch?  How many lives can one strong smile change?

Where does your strength come from?????

Psalm 18:2 (NIV, ©2011)  2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn f my salvation, my stronghold.

Mark 10:14 (NIV, ©2011) 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

Matthew 18:10 (New Living Translation) 10 “Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.

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Monday, March 14, 2011

A Random Act of Kindness

If We All Do One Random Act of Kindness...Image by heathbrandon via Flickr
The other day I was at the grocery store.  The line was long and the there was a lady in the front that was a little short when her items were rung up.  She paid part  in cash, but then the machine wouldn't accept her card.  She quickly walked outside, no one knew what was happening.  The cashier informed the lady behind her that she was going to her car to get some more money.  The lady behind waited for awhile fiddling with her items and her purse.  After a few minutes she did something that shocked not only the cashier but the people behind her.

While the lady was gone the lady behind handed the cashier some money and offered to pay the remaining balance.  The cashier was in shock as she took the money, saying how rarely that happens.  The other lady did return with some more money.  The lady behind seemed a bit hesitant to accept repayment, feeling like the other lady may have needed it more, but she took a portion as not to offend or embarrass her.

The look on the lady's face when the cashier told her what the lady behind had done. It was so much gratitude. Here it was a perfect stranger someone she had never met in her life who paid her debt.  A simple random act of kindness that I only hoped stayed with everyone who witnessed it.  I know it stayed with me.

What got me the most was the lady behind who was fiddling with her items and fiddling with her purse was just making sure that she herself had enough to cover her items and the lady ahead, as she seemed to be on a tight budget herself.  I guess she felt that the other lady needed it more so she gave her last bit of cash to cover the other lady's debt.

It reminded me that we all have a debt that was paid, but this debt was paid in blood.  By a perfect stranger showing His love for mankind.  An act of love that saved the world.

All I hope is that they all saw God's reflection in this one lady's actions and remember what He has done for them.
Romans 12:9-13 (New Living Translation)  9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[a] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[b] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Right Through Me

you see right through meImage by Victori∀ via Flickr
When I am pretending.  When I am humble, or just smiling while being humiliated. When my kindness becomes just routine. When my thoughts are not what they should be. There is one person who can see right through me. 

There is one one person who knows my heart and what is in it.  When I am cruel or rude.  When I am kind and generous.  When I am breaking and when my world is crumbling. When I can hide who I really am from the world, to Him I am transparent. 

He sees me for me.  No matter how I act or what I say, He sees the truth.  There is nothing I can hide from Him, I cannot pretend.  If my heart and my actions are not pure, He knows.  So no matter what I do, He can see right through me.
1 Samuel 16:7 (KJV) 7But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV, ©2011) 23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Even When I Cannot See

Absolute darknessImage via Wikipedia
My dads last doctors appointment didn't go as well as hoped.  It turns out that this last PET scan showed a suspicious spot,  they would have to do a biospy to confirm whether or not it is cancer.  Not sure if he will have the biospy or not, not really sure if he is really worried about it.  He has been fighting an infection in his head for months due to all of the dead tissue from radiation (sorry so graphic). So to us the suspicious spot could be anything.

The worst part is my dad has been having blind spells.  His vision goes completely black and for a short period of time he cannot see.  After seeing a specialist they suspect pressure on the brain from too much spinal fluid causing his temporary blindness.  Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end.  Will it ever get back to normal?  He is too young to have so many problems.  I know he and my mom are both exhausted from all of this. As if the disease itself wasn't bad enough.

Through it all my dads faith has remained strong.  I am sure he has his moments, but to us his faith is unfailing.  He has accepted God's will whatever it may be.   He doesn't seem to be afraid.  If only my faith could be so strong.

I know that everything happens for a reason.  But all I can think of is God's humble servant Job.  I compare my dad to him a lot because through it all they may have asked "why", but they never lost faith, they praised God for everything. Even when they could not see.

Job 1:20-22 (NIV, ©2011) 20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.[a] The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”
22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.
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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Your Worth

How much is your life worth?Image by VanessaO via Flickr
Underestimated, neglected, mistreated, taken for granted, pushed aside, expendable, second guessed, invisible, misunderstood, worthless.

I feel like that a lot lately. I am sure we all do.

Why do we let others decide our worth?  Why do we let other peoples opinions determine what we mean?  We base so much of who we are based on how others treat us and what others think of us. We should know that we are worth so much more.

In this life, some people will try to minimize your worth.  Some may make you feel like you aren't worth anything at all.  But you are worth so much more than you will ever know to the only One that really matters. 

You matter so much that He decided long ago that He could not and would not live without you.  He made a plan, He sent His only Son, who took everything you had bore it on His shoulders and died for you.  All because He couldn't bear to be without you.  You are worth so much that He would move Heaven and Earth to make sure that you were not lost.

He will never forget you, never push you aside, never underestimate you and He will never take you for granted. Because He would rather die than ever live without you!!!!

Matthew 10:29-31 (NIV, ©2011) 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Kinder Than Necessary

Be kinder than necessary; everyone you meet is...Image by quinn.anya via Flickr
“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” ~ Anonymous

Have you ever had to deal with someone that you just didn't like?  Have you ever had to deal with someone that you couldn't stand to be around?  Someone with an attitude.  Someone who is always ugly to you.  Someone that your couldn't possibly see any good in.

The other day I had to deal with a person that I didn't like very much.   Someone who has a history of being rude and obnoxious to me. I was  prepared and ready to deal with them.  Then when I saw that person I was humbled, for a moment my heart actually went out to them.  It is almost as if God had me see them through his eyes.  I felt an overwhelming need to just be as kind as I could to them, regardless of our past.

Sometimes people are mean for a reason.  Sometimes it is their only way of dealing with a situation, a situation that they cannot control.  Sometimes people take their feelings out on other people.  Sometimes our situations define us and make us someone we don't want to be.

In everything that we do, we should always try to be kind.  With all of the battles that we deal with daily, we need to remember that we are not the only ones.  Everyone has their battles. But through our kindness, through our humility maybe they can see something more.

I'm not saying that we should be push overs but sometimes we just need to be kinder than necessary

Colossians 3:12 (NIV, ©2010) 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

This Much

When my son was younger we used to the play the "I love you this much" game.  While I would tell him that I loved him to the moon and back a million times he would use his arms.  When asked how much he loved his grammy, papa, daddy, nanny and babu, he would stretch his arms out as wide as he possibly could saying "this much".  When I asked how much he loved his mommy, he would lift up his pinkie finger half way with a huge grin across his face and  said "this much".  I would be over dramatic (joking of course) acting like it was so little, like I was devasted,  but the grin on his face said more than his little pinkie finger.  He knew, that I knew that he loved me much more than that.  And it didn't matter what he said or did, because I knew better.

How many of us really know how much God loves us?  When the bad things keep staking up and despair consumes us.  Do we really know how much God loves us?  When all we see is half of a pinkie finger, do we really think that that is all there is?  We should know better, we should know how much God loves us.  Just like my son knew that no matter what he said or did that I knew better.  We should know that no matter what happens in our lives that God loves us so much more than that. Through heartaches and heartbreaks, in the depths of despair,  through the worst of time and in the best God is always there.

How much does God love us??  So much that He gave us His ONLY begotten SON !!!!

So that no matter what you see, no matter what happens in your life, you will know better.

Romans 8:37-39 (NIV, ©2010)  37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I Will Not Be Moved

Lamentation of the solitudeImage by ` TheDreamSky 꿈꾸는 하늘 via Flickr
A little over a year ago, some people at church has a little get together.  The flyer that was passed about asked no children please.  I didn't think much of it, it being a Sunday night I might as well stay home anyway.  But then my husband was approached and personally invited  and was told to bring my oldest one.  When my husband asked about me and the little one, nothing was said. An indication to me that we were excluded.

I kind of blew it off not thinking much of it, the little one can be a bit rowdy sometimes.  Maybe they just wanted an adult evening with no children.  But after the fact, I found out that other couples went and brought their children.  Everyone talked about how much fun it was and posted pictures.

It really bothered me, never in my life had I felt so rejected, so singled out.  For satan to attack me where it mattered most.  For him to seclude me in the one place that I felt like I belonged.  I felt like an outsider, like I belonged nowhere. It changed me and my perception of things.

To say that I have fully recovered from the blow would be a lie.  It is different now and the fire that once burned so strong has somewhat faded.  I have been ousted so many times in my life that I was used to it, but this was different, this was supposed to be the one place I couldn't be touched. I no longer had a place of refuge, I no longer had a home. This was the point that shook my world, tested my faith and bruised my spirit all the same time. Through everything that I had been through in my past, through everything I had been through with my dad's illness, my church, my God was where I ran too when things got more than I could bear.  It was where I felt safe, where I felt accepted. But now it was different.

And if you think satan stopped there, he didn't.  Since then every fiber of my being has been tested and tested over and over.  Through family, work, church and them some.  I think he is trying to break me, and I think he almost did.

As "Christians"  we are literally targets.  Satan will do absolutely anything to try to drive us away from God.  If we let him, he will succeed.  I choose not to let him.  We are not perfect and sometimes we hurt people without intending to do so.  But whether they like me or not, I am not there for them,  I am in my Father's house, and I will follow HIM.

Through it all God's grasp on me has remained solid.  My path clear.  I will not be moved.  Yes, the path gets cloudy to the point I can barely see it, but I know it is there.  I know it still remains.  That is why I walk by faith, because a lot of times I just can't see.

Psalm 16:8-11 (King James Version) 8I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. 10For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. 11Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Natalie Grant - I Will Not Be Moved

I will stumble

I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved

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Friday, February 11, 2011

Just One

Lost SoulImage by Hayley_Bouchard via Flickr
Just one doesn't seem like a lot, but it is a lot when it comes to God.  He would have come for just one, He would have died for just one.

We are so obsessed with numbers, that more is better.  Even as Christians we are consumed with how many.  But if we live our life right, if we follow God.  If only one person is changed by our actions, then it is more than enough.

Jesus was just one, Moses was just one, Noah was just one.  They were each just one, whose impact are still talked about today.   For you are just one, but God has big plans for you.  To God just one means the world to Him.

If just one person walks through the door of your church you should rejoice as if it were a thousand.  For just one can change the world. Don't be consumed with the ones who didn't come around, rejoice in the one who did.

Never underestimate the impact of just one.

Luke 15:3-10 (NIV, ©2010)

3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

The Parable of the Lost Coin
8 “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
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