2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Ungrateful

Grateful wall of ungrateful generations.Image by Ed Siasoco (aka SC Fiasco) via Flickr
I never really thought of myself as an ungrateful person.  I always try to be kind, help people.  I always try to go above and beyond the call of duty.  I always try to appreciate what I have in this life.  I am not materialistic, at least I don't think that I am.

But with all that aside, sometimes I catch myself, now more lately then ever, being ungrateful.  I catch myself thinking and expecting that I should get more, that I deserve more.  I work hard  and I do so much, I should be better appreciated and have more.  I even find myself getting angry about it. Sometimes I even say it out loud.  My sister kind of made the comment the other day that I was sounding ungrateful.  You know looking back she was absolutely right.

We always seem to want more, we always seem to think that we deserve more.  We think that we deserve to be treated better, respected more, make more money, have nicer things.  We all think we deserve more,  I know I do.  Sometimes,  I am completely ungrateful.  I must say I am ashamed of myself.

Whether we deserve better or not, we should still remain humble.  Once we get angry and ungrateful, then we really don't deserve it anymore.  We should do all things with no reward in mind.  Our hearts should be pure and should never be tainted  by ungratefulness.  I know its hard, but life just isn't fair, and it never will be.

Compared to God,  I count it all as lost.  There is nothing in this world that compares to Him.  There is nothing in this world worth losing Him.  Once you connect with God, the things of this world will have no substance, no measure, no bearing anymore. For Him I will give it all away, the things of this world are not enough for me.  And that is what I will remember the next time I find myself being ungrateful. I will count is all as lost.

Philippians 3:8-11 (NIV, ©2010) 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, November 22, 2010

Beyond Understanding

The Great BeyondImage by juandiegojr via Flickr
There are some things that we just can't explain.  There are some things that are just beyond our understanding.  We feel as humans that we have to have an explanation for everything or something is wrong.  We need specifics, we need to understand.

Last week my dad went to the Mayo Clinic in Arizona for a 3rd opinion on his condition.  He has been having severe pain in his head and neck for the past few months.  The problem is the first doctor told him his cancer was back and the second told him he was cancer free.  He was confused and didn't really know who to believe.  How could he get two completely different diagnosis? 

So he decided to go to the Mayo Clinic to see what they would say.  Every time he goes to the doctor, its like I can't breathe.  I am so afraid of what they may say.  I am so afraid that they will tell him something none of us want to hear.  But they didn't, they confirmed the second doctors diagnosis.  He was told that he is cancer free and that his problems are aftereffects from the radiation treatment that he previously received.

Although he is relieved, he is angry.  He is wondering how the first doctor gave him such a horrid diagnosis and wanted him to start getting treatment.  Treatment that according to doctors 2 and 3 is unnecessary because he doesn't have cancer.  He faith in his doctors is barely existent.  He doesn't trust them anymore.

But, what if all of the diagnosis were right?  Strange as it may sound, what if they are all right?  What if somewhere between doctors 1 and 2 a miracle happened?  My dad has so many people praying for him.  He trusts God, he asked for prayer at church.  God hears our prayers and God answers our prayers.  What if this is an answered prayer?  I believe it is.

Miracles just happen, miracles still happen.  My past post "Doubt or Disbelief"  talks about when my dad was told  by doctor number 2 that he didn't have cancer.  Why do we doubt that this is possible?  Do we forget the God that we serve?  He is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE!!!! Is it easier to say that the other doctors just messed up then say that God healed him.  Is that what we have resorted to.  We have to explain it,  we need an explanation.  Beyond our understanding  just won't do.

Don't ever think for one second that God is incapable of anything.  This  is the same God Who spoke the world into existence.  The same God who healed the sick, and rose the dead.  He walked on water, He rose from the dead,  need I say more.    We don't need an explanation for everything, some things are just beyond our understanding.  Maybe the first doctors were wrong, but maybe they were right. That is where we walk by faith, because some things we just can't see.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV, ©2010) 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Hebrews 13:8 (NIV, ©2010)  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Moments of Clarity

In a moment of clarityImage by LaPrimaDonna via Flickr
They seem to be few and far between these days. Moments when my head isn't filled with so much insanity that I can't think straight. Moments from the stressful filled days. Moments of clarity where things make sense. Moments that stop me in my tracks and make me realize what I am doing wrong. Moments that make me realize who I have become. Moments that help me to change a bad behavior. Moments where I actually see people for who they are supposed to be instead of who they are. Little moments in time where I feel like I am seeing things, seeing people through God's eyes. In these moments I can actually breathe. In the few moments of clarity.


The problem with these moments is when they pass, I am right back where I started from. As if the moment never happened in the first place. Back to my dreary reality and pure insanity. How quickly we forgot and go back.  How quickly turn around as if nothing ever happened.

If only we could always see beyond the smoke and mirrors of this world.  If only we could have more and more moments of clarity.  If only we could  always see everything through God's eyes.  If only we always could see the sin before we sin.  If only we could always see beyond ourselves.

I long for those moments of clarity.  Those moments where I feel human again. Its my connection to God, it is how He reminds me that he is always there.

Ephesians 4:22-23 (NIV) 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

1 Timothy 1:5 (NIV) 5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, November 15, 2010

Control Freak

controlfreakImage by celine nadeau via Flickr
I am a control freak.  I hate when things are out of my control.  I start to panic, I get anxiety, it will literally drive me insane when I can't control a situation.  I get frustrated, overwhelmed and angry.  Needless to say I hate when things get out of control, or at least out of my control. 

That seems to be my life lately.  A whole bunch of things that I can't control.  The problem is, it is literally driving to the brink of insanity, the edge of reason.    I just can't seem to let things go.   I can't seem to willingly lose control of a situation, even when it is for my own good.  I want it my way or no way at all.  I am not willing to back down and give someone else control.  I think that I always know what is best.

It is really hard to lose control over a situation.  It is even harder placing it is someone elses hands.  Who do you trust when things are out of control?

Even when  Job was laying on his death bed, he never cursed God.  He praised him through everything.  Especially when everything was out of his control.  In the worst possible situation, when he had nothing, he knew that God was always in control.

We can always trust God, especially when things are out of control.  We don't have to be in control of any situation, we just have to remember that God is, always.  We have to trust that with Him, we have to let go of being that control freak.

1 Chronicles 29:11 (NIV) 11 Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all.

Job 42:2 (NIV)2 “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

That Deep Dark Place

empathyImage by kygp via Flickr
I didn't tell anyone when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer.  I didn't want sympathy or even empathy, I just didn't want to acknowledge it altogether.  As if saying it out loud would make it real.  I was already fighting a raging battle inside of me from all of the fear and grief.  I didn't want people asking me about him, how he was doing.  I didn't want to be reminded or talk about it.  I wanted it to go away, I wanted it to just be a bad dream.  My refusal to acknowledge the situation led me to isolation, depression and despair.  I wasn't willing to let anybody in so therefore I wasn't letting anything out.  I kept it all inside and it took the best of me.  I stayed in that deep dark place.

I spend the next two years of my life like this,  what made it worse it that I had just had my son and because of my hormones and emotional stress I had full blown postpartum depression.  It took all I had just to care for my newborn.  I literally would throw myself out of bed and made myself get up and out.

It was a horrible life to live, not just for me but for this little person that I was responsible for.  I just hope he never remembers.  I don't want to remember me like that. Now it seems like such a long time ago.

But this was all before I knew God.  This was all before I knew about His power.  When we don't let God in, it becomes a long, lonely road.  A deep, dark place, a road filled with grief and despair.  Although God doesn't take away the pain, He gives us the strength to endure it.  He can take us out of that deep, dark place, and show us how to live again.

1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)12Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV)18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, November 8, 2010

When Hope Is Lost

I hope you never lose your sense of wonderImage by David Masters via Flickr
Where are you Hope?  I can't find you, I seem to have lost you in the depths of my despair.  Hope, if you are there, please come back because I need you.  I need you to give me the meaning of this life again.  I need you to give me something to hope for again.  I need you to return Faith to my soul.

Today, I just feel hopeless, I feel lost.  I could literally cry on a dime.  My mind just seems flooded with problems, more problems then I can solve.  This burden is so heavy, I can't hold it any longer. I can't think straight, I can't concentrate.  I have been getting overwhelmed easily and that is something that doesn't happen often to me.

I can literally feel the room closing in on me and I can't breathe.  I want to leave but I can't.  I can feel the anxiety building up, an attack coming on.  I just get more and more lost. I get more and more hopeless.

What do you do when it seems that hope is lost?

Sometimes I believe that God has me get to this point for a reason.  When I get to this point when I feel all hope is lost,  He reminds me that He is here and He is not letting go.  I can just feel the rush and relief coming back to me so I can hope once again.  With God, hope is never lost, we just have to know where to find her.

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Demise

the art of falling apartImage by stumayhew via Flickr
We are all responsible for our own demise.  We all have that choice.  We can choose which path to take and what decisions we make.  We know right from wrong, but most of us seem to make the wrong choice.  Why?  Maybe it is more appealing, maybe we are just stubborn.  Maybe  we are just so down and out that it is all we see.  Regardless I am responsible for my own demise. 

I have been getting caught up in a lot of things lately.  Things that could lead to my demise.  Angry at the world, frustrated at circumstances and feeling utterly alone.  Though anger, frustration and loneliness by themselves are not the problem, it is what I do because I feel this way, that is.  Sometimes we get so consumed with our feelings, it makes us do things that we regret.  We become someone that we don't want to be.  We crumble and we lose sight of things. We become consumed with our pride and our selfish desires. We fall away from God.

Falling away from God leads to our ultimate demise.  When we lose track of what He has taught us, what He has said.  When we forget all that He has done for us, all that He has given us. When we completely block out what God is trying to tell us.  When we can't see Him anymore, it leads up to our demise.

God never sets us up to fall, but He will be there to pick us up.  Only through Him we can find redemption and a reason to keep fighting and live again.  He is the only one that can build us back up when we fall.

Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)16 for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.

Matthew 22:29 (NIV) 29 Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, November 1, 2010

Dirty Little Secrets

My ShameImage by bruckerrlb via Flickr
We all have secrets.  We all have things that we keep hidden away.  Things that could hurt us, things that could humiliate us, things that ruin us.  Things that we hide in the very depths of our soul.  Embarrassing things, shameful things, spiteful things.

We all have secrets, most we think are hidden far away where no one will ever know.  No one may ever find out our dirty little secrets.  They may never see the light of day.  We can keep them hidden so the we are not judged, ridiculed or humiliated.  They can be our dirty little secrets to keep, forever.

No matter how deep and dark our secret is, or where we may think that we can hide it, we can keep nothing from God.  God knows each and every one of our dirty little secrets.  He knows everything that we have done, said, or thought.  All of the secrets that we think we can hide, can never be hidden from Him, no matter how hard we try.

But, know this, God loves us still, in spite of our dirty little secrets.  He loves regardless of what we have done or will do.  All He asks is that we confess to Him and He will wipe them away.  God is not here to ridicule or humiliate us.  He wants us to confess our sins, our dirty little secrets, so that we can be forgiven.

So what are your dirty little secrets?? Care to confess??

Proverbs 28:13 (NIV© 2010)13 Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

1 John 1:8-9 (KJV)8If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Enhanced by Zemanta