Wasted

The other day I found an old binder of things I wrote when I was a teenager.  Needless to say most of it was pretty cheesy, but most things are cheesy when you are a teenager.  The binder was old and dusty, hidden underneath a bunch of junk.  It was quite amusing to go through it and read some of the old poems that I written along with other random thoughts.  I always loved to write, for as long as I can remember.  In the second grade I wrote a poem that my teacher loved so much  she posted it in the main hallway of the school for everyone to see.  But discouragement came when I was in high school and submitted one of many poems to a contest and it didn't place or get any recognition.  It was in that moment that I gave up on writing.  I figured what was the point.

Now, I keep wondering, what if I hadn't given up so easily, what if I had kept up my writing, where would I be right now?  I literally shoved it away years ago convincing myself that I wasn't very good at it anyway.  But what if I could have been?  What if all of this time has been wasted working at a job I hate, because I didn't think I was good enough to do what I love?

But what gets me more than anything right now, is why do I feel such a push to start back up again?  As if it is not all my doing, like there is someone else telling me I need to do this.  It's not my family and it's not my friends, its something inside that just won't let sleeping dogs lie. But, the more I pursue it the more all of the old feelings of why I put it away in the first place resurface.  Am I even any good?  What if I never make it as a writer? So who am I fighting and who is leading me?

Is it my time to start believing  in myself and let God guide me?

Isaiah 58:11- "And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."

With God anything is possible.