The Floodgates

I have never really been an optimist.  I try to be, but its hard.  I guess I rather expect the worst so just in case,  I won't be let down.  I often feel forgotten, nonexistent, going through the motions.  The holidays are just a reminder of how bad it can get.  I hate the holidays.  I know, that is very blunt.  I wasn't always this way.   But it was usually around the holidays that we would get the news about my dad's cancer.  Kind of puts a damper on things.  I get really scared when this time of year comes around.  Waiting for bad news.

But this years was different.  After months of appointments my dad is cancer free :)  That is one obstacle out of the way.  The holiday expenses that usually leave us dry, didn't dry up this year.  Just when I think that God has forgotten me, He opens the floodgates.  This year I have felt it more than ever.  His forgiveness, His mercy, His love has literally consumed me.  This year I have truly been blessed.  This year I couldn't possibly ask for more.

Never underestimate God's ability to open the floodgates, at any given time.  Usually when you least expect it and when you feel least deserving of it.

Happy Holidays and God Bless!!!!

Malachi 3:10 (NIV, ©2010) 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

Free Ride

So often we see people getting what we consider a "free ride".  Maybe its a promotion that they didn't deserve (or at least we don't think they deserve.)  Maybe a vehicle or house that they can only afford because they take advantage of the system (or we believe that they are taking advantage of the system.)  Maybe even a windfall of some sort, an inheritance or something.  Regardless of what the situation may be, we consider it a "free ride."  Something that we don't think they worked hard enough to deserve, yet they get anyway.

We believe that it's not fair.  That we work so hard to barely make ends meet and yet here there is someone who doesn't do anything and gets everything.  When there is too much month left at the end of the money.  When the groceries just don't last longer enough.  When the kids clothes are worn and torn.  When the mortgage might not get paid this month and the car has been repossessed.  When our last dime is spent on a new refrigerator because the old one broke at the worst possible time. We wonder why me and what am I doing wrong?  

I said it once, but I will say it again,  life isn't fair.  But there is a free ride that we all can receive, yet non of us are entitled to.  That is eternal life though Jesus Christ.  You can't work to get, you can't earn it and you definitely don't deserve, but you get it regardless.  But there is one condition, you have to accept Jesus.

So next time you find yourself obsessing over someone elses "free ride".  Remember the one that has been given to you.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV)8For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works,so that no one may boast.

Titus 3:5 (NIV, ©2010) 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,

Trapped

We can often times feel trapped when we have sinned.  We can often feel like we are stuck behind a brick wall and have no way of getting out.  We become lost and confused, and we often wonder how in the world we got there in the first place.

Sin has its way of magnifying.  It usually starts out as something small, something that we don't think is a big deal.  The next thing we know, it has taken on a life of its own.  It becomes more deviant and vial.  It becomes easier and justifiable.  We become consumed, we become trapped and can no longer see the Son.

We are not stronger enough to break away from sin by ourselves.  We think we are, we do good and then we fall back into the same routine, only to find ourselves right back where we started from.  Sin is a disease and only God can cure it, we just have to let Him.

You never have to feel trapped by sin.  You will have to fight to break through, but God will be right there beside you moving the bricks so you can get to the other side.

Psalm 142:5-7 (ESV) 5I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." 6 Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low! Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me! 7 Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me.

Someone Else

Don't really feel like me lately.  Feel like I am someone else. Trapped in someone else's body, someone else's life, dealing with someone else's problems.  Things aren't clear, rather blurry.  Things aren't easy, rather quite difficult. Everything is surreal. Feel like I am floating around, like I am on the outside looking in. My insanity is what keeps me sane, strange as that may sound. But my insanity keeps me from dealing with my reality. Fully functioning but unwilling to face the obstacles in my life.  Rather push them aside and pretend that they are not there. I can't see the forest for the trees.  I can't see my life because of me.

It is my crazy world that I have created.  I can feel a hand on my shoulder but I am not quite ready to reach for it.  But it doesn't leave rather just lets me know it is there when I am ready.

I often wonder how God must feel when we drift away from Him.  I often wonder how He can have so much patience with us.  How can He love us so? 

But its like the story of the prodigal son.  A son whose father gave him everything.  He left, he spent all he had and was left with nothing.  When he went back home with his head held low, ashamed and broken down.  He wasn't met with "I told you so", rather open arms.  His father spotted him a mile away, as if he were waiting forever for his return.

That is God's love for us.   When we have had our fun and are left with nothing, He is still there patiently waiting and ready to pick up the pieces. If only we could trust Him more before we fall.

Luke 15:32 (NIV, ©2010) 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Every Time I Fail

There is a Ray Boltz song called "Does He Still Feel The Nails."  The line that gets me is "does he still feel the nails, every time I fail."  It got me to thinking.  I know Jesus died for me, and I wonder if every time I fail, if He feels the pain all over again. 

I fail daily.  No matter how hard I try there is always something that I do that causes me to fail, again and again. Am I hurting Him over and over again?  And if I am, how in the world can He still love me?  Does He turn his back on my so He no longer has to deal with the pain?  Or is He right there ready to endure it again because He loves me that much?  Is the pain really worth it just for me?  How can I change it?  How do I stop? Will I ever be worthy?

For reasons unfathomable to me, God loves me.  NO matter what I have done or how many times I fail.  I don't know if He feels the nails every time I fail, I hope not.  But I do know that He would endure it again and again just for me.  I just hope that one day I will be worthy enough for Him.

Romans 5:6-8 (NIV, ©2010) 6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 3:23-26 (NIV, ©2010) 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[a] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus

The Things I Take for Granted....

the roof over my head
the clothes on my back
the clothes in my closet
the shoes on my feet
the food in my kitchen
the money in my pocket
my parents
my husband
my kids
my friends
my car
my house
my Christmas tree
my job
my health
my freedom
hot water
soap
toilet paper

The list could go on and on. Today I learned about a little girl who had not much more then the clothes on her back.  It really got me to thinking about all the things that I take for granted.  It breaks my heart when this reality becomes all too clear.  We all (especially me) need to cherish all the things we have, because all the things we take for granted are all gifts from God.

John 3:27 27John answered,"A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven.


1 Corinthians 4:7 7For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?

Selfish

I find myself being really selfish lately.  I find myself acting like my problems are so much worse then anyone elses.  I have the "poor me"  attitude.  The oh, my life is so hard attitude.  The I am too tired because I have so much to do attitude.  The be glad you don't have my life attitude.  Here lately, it is like I am acting like the world revolves around me, or at least is should.  I have been acting so selfish and self centered, refusing to see the depths of other peoples problems and only focusing on my own.

We would all like to believe that the world revolves around us. That our problems are bigger than anyone elses, and that no one understands what we are going through. We would all like to believe that we have it harder than anyone else, that we are more exhausted and more time restraint. But the truth is we all have problems we all have issues. We all deal with them in different ways. To us our problems may seem like the end of the world, to someone else the may seem a piece a cake.  We also need to realize that no matter how big our problem is,  there is always someone out there who has it worse then us.

We should never minimize someone elses problems just because we think ours are greater.  But we should tell them about the ultimate problem solver.  Better yet we need to show the world what we do when our problems get to big.  Being selfish and self centered and focusing on me, me, me, will get us nowhere.  We don't want to go down that road.  We need to give all our problems to God, focus on his plans and look to His future for us. 

Psalm 127:1 (NIV, ©2010) 1 Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.

John 16:33 (NIV, ©2010) 33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

When One Door Closes

Today was my last appointment with my internal medicine doctor,  he is retiring.  I have been going to him for about 5 years.  He is the best doctor that I have ever gone to.  He not only practices conventional medicine, he also practices alternative medicine.  When I first started going to him I was overweight, tired, depressed.  I remember my first appointment he went over my whole life history, that is what made me like him so much.    He wanted to get to the root of my problem not just treat my symptoms.  He got me on the right supplements, the right diet and I got to be a better me.  Through the years I go back and forth, because problems come up and I need to get back on track.

I thought that I was ok with everything until his nurse gave me a big hug as I was leaving.  I got choked up and came to the realization that this door was closing.  Not just for me but for them as well.  Not only did this doctor treat me physically but spiritually as well.  Not only was he a doctor but an ordained minister.  He is the only doctor that I have ever gone to that would pray with you.  At 75 years old he is an amazing man and has led an amazing life and maintained a wonderful practice with wonderful people.  I had to quickly leave before the waterworks would start.  I am usually not that emotional.

I only hope that I can find a doctor as good to pick up where he left off.    I hope that his staff find jobs just as good.  I hope that he finally gets to relax, because God knows how much he deserves it.

It is hard when a chapter in your life seems to be over.  It is really hard when you don't know what is going to happen or what you are going to do about a situation.  But always remember, God doesn't close one door without opening another.  We just have to look for that open door.

Revelation 3:8 (KJV) 8I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.