The Unexpected

His appointment was at 9:30 this morning at MD Anderson.  It was there that his oncologist would reveal the results of his PET scan.  He had been in almost unbearable pain for the past couple of weeks, so he had prepared himself for the worst news possible.  It seemed as though time was passing so slow, as if in slow motion waiting for the appointment and the results. He had the scan done and now it was the waiting game.

I got the phone call about 10:00am, his voice was trembling.  I could tell something was not right.  I was at an appointment myself and was waiting (but my appointment was nothing to worry about).  He asked if I would like for him to call me back when I was finished.  Of course I said, "No, I want to know now.  Is it bad?"  That is when I could hear his voice break down, "No", he said, "It's not bad, not bad at all".   It was actually the best results that he could possibly get.  He had been preparing himself for such bad news that he didn't know what to do when the news was good.  His scan showed no cancer.  Most of his pain is caused by an infection in his mouth and he was given medication to treat it. 

Last night was rough, waiting, knowing that it is what it is. But not knowing what it is.  I was overwhelmed with anxiety and couldn't sleep.  I went to the upper room (I will post about that later) and fell to my knees.  I prayed that God would heal my dad, and then I asked that if the news was bad that he would just give us all the strength to endure it.  Not just to give us strength but to be our strength.  After that I was calm enough to eventually fall asleep.

I was ready for the news, good or bad.  Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I had put it in God's hands and knew that whatever the results, I knew that God's will would be done.

I was ready to write a post of the worst case scenario and how I would have faith that God would provide and take care of us.  This news was the most unexpected, and I couldn't be happier.

Life is full of the unexpected, we never know when it is our time, and it could end at any moment. We have to embrace the good and accept the bad.  We have to make the best of every situation.  It is all a walk in faith.
Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Throw Me Back In The Fire

On my way to work this morning, I was preparing myself. Preparing myself for what I was going to do, what I was going to say, because yesterday wasn't the best of days. But I had attitude, I was ready for a challenge, but not in a good way.  I was ready to say something and that something was not very nice.

Then, I stopped for moment from my preparation. I took a step back and realized what I was doing. I realized that my heart was not in the right place. I was focusing on what I wanted to do, not what I needed to do.  I shouted to God "throw me back in the fire, because I am not reflecting you."  After making this observation it instantly melted my pride.  For it was then that I realized that it is not worth it.  It is not worth it to get back at someone, it is not worth it to hurt someone because you can.  It is not worth it to lose ones soul in order to gain a foothold on this earth.  It is not worth it.  I don't always get it right, but I try.

Sometimes it drives me nuts when God stops me in my tracks, but then I realize that he is only saving me from me.  Another lesson learned in my daily walk in faith.

The Refiner's Fire is what it is called, there are dozens of songs and stories that talk about this fire.  It compares the way God is with us to a refiner with his silver. The only way the silver can be purified is though fire and the refiner knows when it is done when he can see his reflection in the silver.  That is how God will know when we are done, when he can see his reflection in us.

Zechariah 13:9 (NIV) ⁹ This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them;        I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "

Alternate Universe

There is no team effort anymore.  This place is consumed with insanity and everyone is only out for themselves.  That is how I felt today.  On the edge of breaking down.  On the cliff, losing my balance about to fall.  Feeling as if I would explode at any moment, and as if God were somehow protecting me from myself.  I wanted to scream, but couldn't.

Respect does not exist anymore.  People will do anything to get ahead and will literally sell their soul to do so.  They actively participate in other peoples demise and feel no guilt or shame in doing so.  What is going on here??? What alternate universe am I in?

I REFUSE to live up to these standards, or down to these standards, should I say.  Why?  because I was raised better than that.  My parents taught me how to be kind and how to be respectful if for no other reason then the fact that you are a human being.  Not, well I am above you so therefore you can do everything.

Let it be said of us that this is not acceptable. Let it be said of us that this will not stand.  Let it be said of us that our children will not stoop to this level, to believe that they are better than another for whatever reason.
Respect is what is given to show appreciation,  respect is what is learned from parents.  Children are not taught these things anymore and seems that adults don't know it either. When did we stop caring?  When did we become so consumed with number 1? Let us show compassion and mercy. Let us be more than we can be. Let us be the example to our children and other peoples children, that they may become better adults.


I was raised to show kindness and humility, to show patience and worth.  To appreciate the little things and to love beyond measure.

What will be said of you??

Matthew 7:12 (NIV) So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.


2 Corinthians 10:12-16 (NIV) 12 We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 13 We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. 14 We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. 15 Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, 16 so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in another man's territory.

The Not Knowing Part

It's the not knowing part that gets me.  Not knowing what is going to happen, or what is.  It's that horrible weight in the pit of your stomach waiting for the news.  I hate waiting, I hate not knowing.

My dad is going to MD Anderson this week for a second opinion.  He has been having  a lot of pain in his head and neck and his oncologist believes that it is related to his cancer.  For the past five years he has been able to keep it at bay, but now we just don't know.

It's hard for me to talk about, in fact I have been keeping it to myself so much that I have been riddled with anxiety.  Which, I am sure you can probably tell from a few of my last posts.  It's just really hard watching someone you love suffer.  It's hard when you don't know what is going to happen.  It is hard to even imagine what you would do without them. It's not just my dad that I worry about, its my mom, my brother, my sister.

I know what I am supposed to do and I know what I tell people they should do.  But what do you do when you are in that situation?   How does your faith not fail when you just don't know?

I guess I am looking for a miracle, but what if the miracle has already happened and I missed it because I was too worried about the not knowing part.

My heart goes out to everyone who has been touched, tortured or maimed by cancer.
But this is what I do know. This is what God has promised!!


John 14:18 (KJV) ¹⁸I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Psalm 40:1-3 (NKJV)¹ I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry.² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock,And established my steps. ³ He has put a new song in my mouth— Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, And will trust in the LORD. 

LORD,  I WILL PRAISE YOU THROUGH THIS STORM!!!!!!!  I AM IN YOUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stand in the Rain

Today I went for a run in the rain.  Why?  Because I really needed to run.  I have been really stressed out and full of anxiety lately.  I have a lot of emotional rainstorms to overcome.  I had to run.  Lots of tension in my neck, tightness in my chest and aching all over.  The only way to release all of this stress and anxiety was to run, and today it was in the rain.

Why do we always associate rain with bad things?  Why do we use it to compare to the bad things in our lives?   In the Bible, rain was seen as a blessing upon the crops so they might grow. Rain is what purifies the earth and today I needed to purify me.

The rain started out light but as I kept running it started to pour, I was drenched.  But it felt good, especially on such a hot day as today.  I could feel the tension in my neck releasing and the tightness in my chest going away as I would breathe in the pure air.  I never knew that running in the rain could be such a cleansing experience, but that is what the rain is for, to cleanse. 

So what do you do when the storm is coming down on you and the rain is pouring? You stand, you stand in the rain.

Wouldn't you know I outlasted the rainstorm, all I had to do was stand.  Had I waited another hour I wouldn't have had to run it the rain in the first place, but then I wouldn't have much to post about either.

Hebrews 6:7 (KJV)For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God:

Ocean Floor

Any idea just how deep the deepest part of the ocean floor is? I read that the average ocean depth is 2.65 miles down, over 14,000 feet. The deepest part of the ocean is said to be about 10,924 meters (35,840 feet) below sea level, approximately 6.8 miles.  No man has ever reached that depth.  It takes special equipment to even measure that far.

I never really understood exactly what it meant to be forgiven.  I always thought that you doing something bad, you ask forgiveness and you are forgiven.  Easy right?? You know the saying "I forgive but I can't forget",  well that is the human form of forgiveness.  But God's forgiveness is unimaginable.  When you truly ask God for forgiveness of a sin, it is literally blotted out as if the sin never existed, your slate is wiped clean.  If only man could forgive that way.

So often we are the ones that can't forgive ourselves, if only we could forget also.  I can't tell you how may times I ask for forgiveness and I keep reliving the sin, I keep beating myself up, I keep thinking that I am unforgivable.  Why can't I just accept the fact that I am forgiven and move forward? God has, He has toss them to the ocean floor, a place where no one can reach them. A place where they will never again see the light of day.  A place where they are forgotten. What a God that will literally erase our wrongdoings if we ask him.  If only man could be so kind.

Micah 7:18 Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. 19 You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Isaiah 43:25-26 I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted.

Book of Eli

I will rarely recommend any movies on this blog, unless it really hits home for me, and this one did just that.

This movie is currently out on video. My husband and I watched it a few weekends ago.  Normally, I am not they type to watch a movie that has so much gore.  But this movie has a point and a wonderful point that is.  I would recommend this movie to anyone over the age of 18.  For the journey was violent and sometimes grotesque but the ending was uplifting and heroic.

To sum it up this movie takes place in a repulsive wasteland of the future. The story is based around a man named Eli who has been walking, quite a number of years on a journey to deliver a book. A voice led him to the book and a voice told him to go on this journey. On his journey, he encounters many obstacles.  But he will stop at nothing to protect this book,  even kill.  What is this book?  It is the last of its kind.  A book that people would kill to get their hands on.  A book with words so powerful that it will change hearts and minds.

Why does this movie hit home for me?  Why would I recommend such a movie?  Because Eli's whole journey was a walk in faith.  So I will stop here in order not to ruin the ending.

Sometimes a movie has to be a certain way to prove a point.  Anyone who has seen "The Passion of the Christ"  would agree.  It could have been less bloody and gruesome, but it still is a fantastic story.

The ending is phenomenal, uplifting and literally gave me goose bumps. It will make you realize just how powerful the whole movie is.

"For We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" - 2 Corinthians 5:7 (KJV) - This is a verse out of Eli's book.