2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Convicted


Disclaimer:  The following post is of my own personal conviction.  I feel that God convicts us of the things we struggle with the most and for everyone it is different.  This post in no way judges anyone who chooses to drink.  This was my battle and mine alone.

I stopped drinking almost 9 years ago.  I never considered myself an alcoholic but I was a social drinker and back then I was very social.  Mostly on weekends I would drink and go out.  My problem was I would drink and get really drunk and the next day pay the price.  But I continued to do it regardless. I didn't see any problem with it and it wasn't anything I was planning on stopping anytime soon.

When my son was really small I used to go out a lot.  I was a stay at home mom at the time and in the evenings when my husband would get home, I would go out with my friends.  I remember doing it quite frequently sometimes numerous times in one week.  This went on for a few months.  Looking back I can't believe that I actually did that, I was out of control.  But I am not the same person I was back then either.

I had finally gotten to a point where I was slowly making progress with my faith.  Feeling that things had to change but not really knowing how to change things.  I knew that I needed to change, but I just didn't have the courage to do it.

One night we were at some friends house and my son was with us.  I was drinking and having a good time.  I remember when I was tending to my son, he was probably a year and a half at the time.  I remember looking at him, looking at me and realizing that I never wanted him to see me like that again.  I had to stop, I could no longer continue like that. Something that I thought would be so hard to give up was now no longer difficult.  It wasn't much longer after that night that I completely quit drinking for good.

God used my son to convict me on something knowing that I could only truly see the damage I was doing to myself by looking through my sons eyes.  Watching him looking back at me, in a dizzy drunken haze a moment of clarity, and a burden placed on my heart.  I was convicted and there was no turning back now.  It was done and I knew what I had to do.  I hadn't even fully given my life over to God at that point.  I was still straddling the fence.  But God knew the person I so longed to be and little by little he was showing me the way.

I didn't like who I was when I was drinking, it wasn't me.  I just never thought I could give it up.  What would people think about me?  Would they think I was being self-righteous?  Would they think I was judging them?  At first I didn't tell anyone, then after awhile people kind of figured it out.  Those who really mattered didn't mind at all.  These days it is no problem for me to tell anyone no thank you.  I gave that up long ago. Of course sometimes I get silly looks, like whats the problem.  But I tend to brush it off and not go into detail.  It is just something that is no longer a part of my life and I don't even have any urge to go back.

This was my personal conviction for my own personal battle between who I was and who I wanted to be.  This was something I just had to walk by faith, because at that time it was a little too hazy to see.


Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

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