2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Return to Sanity

PANIC DisorderImage by prudencebrown121 via FlickrI have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately.  It isn't even one thing in particular.  Just a whole lot of things that I seem to have no control over.  It's more like a panic disorder.  For the past month, out of the blue the will come. They are overwhelming and unpredictable and seem to come on for no reason at all. Things start closing in and I feel like I am losing my mind.  Trying hard for people not to notice, I will get up to walk around or leave the room.  Its that horrible feeling that things aren't going to be ok.  What scares me the most is what if it doesn't go away, what if I stay like this forever.  I don't want to go crazy.  I want it to stop.

I have been trying different things in an attempt to get my sanity back.  Exercise didn't seem to do to much.  I know this may sound  crazy but I started doing these infrared sauna sessions.  They are supposed to help detox the body and I fell amazing after a session. (I will post about it on my health nut junkie blog).

This weeks session helped me more then I could ever imagine.  For one I am claustrophobic.  So my idea of fun is not sitting in a box for half an hour.  Luckily there is a glass door.  So to keep myself from panicking I will do some meditation but mainly just talking to God.  For that entire time He has my undivided attention.  I went through all of the things that I had been dealing with one by one.  Realizing that there was a resolution to my problems.  Finally my moment of clarity. My moment when my worries seemed to melt away.  I could have stayed in that box for hours. My revelation, my return to sanity. 

Needless to say I haven't had a panic attack since and I would usually get quite a few a day.  I feel sane again

God has a way of pulling us back when we reach the edge.  He gets us at our weakest, because only then are we able to listen.  I wasn't willing to let go of things which was the root of my problem.  But I am working on it.  Sometimes we have to get everything out in the open in order to find a resolution and I finally did that with God.  I am a work in progress and still have little fall backs.  But I am only human and I just make sure that I tell God not to let me go no matter what.

So why do I share such a personal and private part of my life with the world?  Because God loves me and He loves you.  When I am at my worst He is there, so don't ever think that He wouldn't do the same for you.

Isaiah 43:1-4(NIV) 1 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
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1 comment:

  1. my greatest moments of peace during a difficult moment has been prayer. "Be Still And Know I Am God." He will always be there for us if we just reach up to him. I do notice that life gets so busy that I forget my prayers and usually that is a time when I too feel more anxiety.
    Thanks for sharing your experience.
    Blessings to you!