Image by miuenski via FlickrWhy does it feel like the closer I try to get to God, the further away I feel? The desire is always there but the effort seems lazy. As if a wall was put up between Him and I and I have no way of breaking through and I am just to tired to try. I want things to be the way they used to be. But there is no going back only moving forward. But what am I moving forward to?
I haven't been writing as much as I used to. I almost feel like a hypocrite. How can I talk so much about walking by faith, when I myself seem to have so little lately? How did I get here and where do I go from here?
I want to be closer to God with every ounce of my being. I need Him more than I need air, but yet I feel so lost, so far away.
One thing I do know is that when I feel this far away from Him, that is when He is the closest to me. He will never let me go. I know that this will make me stronger and closer in the end. But right now I have to breathe by faith, because here lately, I just can't see. It is not He who is far from me but rather me that is far from Him. But He will always show me the way.
Psalm 139:1-10 (NIV, ©2011) 1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. 5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.