Image by ` TheDreamSky 꿈꾸는 하늘 via FlickrA little over a year ago, some people at church has a little get together. The flyer that was passed about asked no children please. I didn't think much of it, it being a Sunday night I might as well stay home anyway. But then my husband was approached and personally invited and was told to bring my oldest one. When my husband asked about me and the little one, nothing was said. An indication to me that we were excluded.
I kind of blew it off not thinking much of it, the little one can be a bit rowdy sometimes. Maybe they just wanted an adult evening with no children. But after the fact, I found out that other couples went and brought their children. Everyone talked about how much fun it was and posted pictures.
It really bothered me, never in my life had I felt so rejected, so singled out. For satan to attack me where it mattered most. For him to seclude me in the one place that I felt like I belonged. I felt like an outsider, like I belonged nowhere. It changed me and my perception of things.
To say that I have fully recovered from the blow would be a lie. It is different now and the fire that once burned so strong has somewhat faded. I have been ousted so many times in my life that I was used to it, but this was different, this was supposed to be the one place I couldn't be touched. I no longer had a place of refuge, I no longer had a home. This was the point that shook my world, tested my faith and bruised my spirit all the same time. Through everything that I had been through in my past, through everything I had been through with my dad's illness, my church, my God was where I ran too when things got more than I could bear. It was where I felt safe, where I felt accepted. But now it was different.
And if you think satan stopped there, he didn't. Since then every fiber of my being has been tested and tested over and over. Through family, work, church and them some. I think he is trying to break me, and I think he almost did.
As "Christians" we are literally targets. Satan will do absolutely anything to try to drive us away from God. If we let him, he will succeed. I choose not to let him. We are not perfect and sometimes we hurt people without intending to do so. But whether they like me or not, I am not there for them, I am in my Father's house, and I will follow HIM.
Through it all God's grasp on me has remained solid. My path clear. I will not be moved. Yes, the path gets cloudy to the point I can barely see it, but I know it is there. I know it still remains. That is why I walk by faith, because a lot of times I just can't see.
Psalm 16:8-11 (King James Version) 8I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. 10For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. 11Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Natalie Grant - I Will Not Be Moved
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved