Image by Ehsan Khakbaz via FlickrDon't really feel like me lately. Feel like I am someone else. Trapped in someone else's body, someone else's life, dealing with someone else's problems. Things aren't clear, rather blurry. Things aren't easy, rather quite difficult. Everything is surreal. Feel like I am floating around, like I am on the outside looking in. My insanity is what keeps me sane, strange as that may sound. But my insanity keeps me from dealing with my reality. Fully functioning but unwilling to face the obstacles in my life. Rather push them aside and pretend that they are not there. I can't see the forest for the trees. I can't see my life because of me.
It is my crazy world that I have created. I can feel a hand on my shoulder but I am not quite ready to reach for it. But it doesn't leave rather just lets me know it is there when I am ready.
I often wonder how God must feel when we drift away from Him. I often wonder how He can have so much patience with us. How can He love us so?
But its like the story of the prodigal son. A son whose father gave him everything. He left, he spent all he had and was left with nothing. When he went back home with his head held low, ashamed and broken down. He wasn't met with "I told you so", rather open arms. His father spotted him a mile away, as if he were waiting forever for his return.
That is God's love for us. When we have had our fun and are left with nothing, He is still there patiently waiting and ready to pick up the pieces. If only we could trust Him more before we fall.
Luke 15:32 (NIV, ©2010) 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”