Image via WikipediaIf there is anyone who can carry a grudge, its me. You cross me, you better watch out. I am not the type of person to lay down and let people walk all over me.
About a year ago my daughter bit another child, she went through a horrible biting stage. We did everything we possibly could do to get her to stop. I even spoke to her pediatrician and was told that she would grow out of it. Eventually she did, just like he said.
She was at the sitter and bit another child, she was about 14 months old, so she really didn't understand a whole lot at that time.
The reaction of the mother of the child she bit well I thought was a little overboard. She accused me of being a bad mother and not being able to control my kids, threaten that I could be sued, and so forth. Weeks later she was still trying to justify her reaction and that I needed to control my kid. I was livid, and I was not backing down. The nerve of her to make those kind of comments.
I will admit that I would have been a little upset had it been my child, maybe I would have acted the same way, maybe not. Anyway, the way I felt about her at that time I cannot say out loud.
I saw her a few weeks ago a birthday party and we didn't say a word to each other. I refused to speak to her and she still acted high and mighty. So a year later and neither one of us had grown up any.
A few days later I was taken back. Yes, once again, God stopped me in my tracks. He made me realize my actions and he made me realize that I hadn't really let it go. Why in the world why I still holding a grudge? It was over, done, finished. But I didn't want to let it go, like it would be admitting defeat. Like I would be admitting that I did something wrong. But God made realize what I was doing to myself and to Him.
Grudges fester and eventually take on a life of their own. The can tear you up and turn you into something you don't want to be. Grudges make you bitter and cold. Grudges turn into a burden you can barely hold.
How can I ever be any kind of reflection of God if I can't let this go? Do I really want to lose my soul over a stupid grudge? Because that is what was happening, I was getting so engulfed with my anger that it would consume me. I had to let it go, I had to forgive.
Forgiveness isn't about being wrong or right. It is not saying that what you did is ok. Its saying I am letting it go and moving on. Its over, its done. I'm throwing it in the ocean. When I came to that realization and finally after a year let it go, it was like this huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. It's gone and it feels great. It made we wonder why I hadn't done it sooner.
As "Christians" sometimes we get self consumed, we get self righteous. We get so occupied with other peoples imperfections that we forgot so see our own, we refuse to see our own. As people we hate to feel attacked and humiliated for no reason. Its a tough blow when you are slapped in the face after trying so hard to kind. But it happens, and as "Christians" we have to handle things, situations differently. If we lose ourselves to anger and carry a grudge, then we have lost.
Whether she was wrong or right, I can change her or the way she acted. But I can change me!! It doesn't mean that I have to like her, but it does mean that I have to let it go and move on. And the next time I see her to be a better reflection.
Everyday God teaches me something new about myself. I'm a work in progress. I can't say thank you enough!!!
So what lesson will tomorrow bring?? Only God knows ;) (no pun intended)
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Romans 12:17-21 (NIV) 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[a]says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[b] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.