Image by Michelle Brea- back!- via FlickrIt's the not knowing part that gets me. Not knowing what is going to happen, or what is. It's that horrible weight in the pit of your stomach waiting for the news. I hate waiting, I hate not knowing.
My dad is going to MD Anderson this week for a second opinion. He has been having a lot of pain in his head and neck and his oncologist believes that it is related to his cancer. For the past five years he has been able to keep it at bay, but now we just don't know.
It's hard for me to talk about, in fact I have been keeping it to myself so much that I have been riddled with anxiety. Which, I am sure you can probably tell from a few of my last posts. It's just really hard watching someone you love suffer. It's hard when you don't know what is going to happen. It is hard to even imagine what you would do without them. It's not just my dad that I worry about, its my mom, my brother, my sister.
I know what I am supposed to do and I know what I tell people they should do. But what do you do when you are in that situation? How does your faith not fail when you just don't know?
I guess I am looking for a miracle, but what if the miracle has already happened and I missed it because I was too worried about the not knowing part.
My heart goes out to everyone who has been touched, tortured or maimed by cancer.
But this is what I do know. This is what God has promised!!
John 14:18 (KJV) 18I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
Psalm 40:1-3 (NKJV)1 I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry.2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock,And established my steps. 3 He has put a new song in my mouth— Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, And will trust in the LORD.
LORD, I WILL PRAISE YOU THROUGH THIS STORM!!!!!!! I AM IN YOUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!