Image by brdwatchr1 via FlickrThe other day I found an old binder of things I wrote when I was a teenager. Needless to say most of it was pretty cheesy, but most things are cheesy when you are a teenager. The binder was old and dusty, hidden underneath a bunch of junk. It was quite amusing to go through it and read some of the old poems that I written along with other random thoughts. I always loved to write, for as long as I can remember. In the second grade I wrote a poem that my teacher loved so much she posted it in the main hallway of the school for everyone to see. But discouragement came when I was in high school and submitted one of many poems to a contest and it didn't place or get any recognition. It was in that moment that I gave up on writing. I figured what was the point.
Now, I keep wondering, what if I hadn't given up so easily, what if I had kept up my writing, where would I be right now? I literally shoved it away years ago convincing myself that I wasn't very good at it anyway. But what if I could have been? What if all of this time has been wasted working at a job I hate, because I didn't think I was good enough to do what I love?
But what gets me more than anything right now, is why do I feel such a push to start back up again? As if it is not all my doing, like there is someone else telling me I need to do this. It's not my family and it's not my friends, its something inside that just won't let sleeping dogs lie. But, the more I pursue it the more all of the old feelings of why I put it away in the first place resurface. Am I even any good? What if I never make it as a writer? So who am I fighting and who is leading me?
Is it my time to start believing in myself and let God guide me?
Isaiah 58:11- "And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
With God anything is possible.