2 Corinthians 12:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Need to Breathe

Panic Attack or Anxiety PTSDImage via Wikipedia
Its been a long time since I had an anxiety attack.  I have a history of anxiety attacks and depression.  I have been able to keep them at bay for quite awhile. But last night I had a lot on my mind, that and I wasn't feeling well.  I couldn't fall asleep.  It was probably after midnight when it started.  I laid down in bed and it was then that I could feel the walls closing in on me.  It is the worst feeling in the world having an anxiety attack, your body feels like it is shutting down.  I kept saying "I need to breathe."  I jumped out of my bed and walked around the house, saying it over and over again "breathe, breathe, you are not doing this."  I went back into my room and dropped to my knees.  That should have been the first thing that I did, but on the onset of the attack I just wanted it to stop it before it became full blown.  I can usually maintain them before they get out of control, but only with God's help.  As I dropped to my knees I kept saying "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD" (Psalms 46:10).  That scripture always gives me peace. I stayed in that position saying it over and over until the attack was over.  As I laid back down I tried to think of other things and eventually that awful feeling went away and I was able to fall asleep. I hate when that happens.  It is bad enough when you can't control what is going on around you but to lose control over your body makes the situation that much worse.  But as long as I kept my focus, I overcame that obstacle.

How often do we forgot the power of God?  How often do we turn away from him when we need him most?

Never underestimate the power of God, especially in your darkest moments.

My anxiety attack reminded me of the words from one of my favorite songs, so I put the words below.

"Something Beautiful" by Need to Breathe

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep

I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side
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